04 December 2011

Being with you forever

I know,
it's not long before I lose you forever.
This pessimist keeps thinking
how graceful would it be,
to have to mine,

I know,
it's not long before
I sit alone and cry.
regretting all that I had done.
Seeing you belong to someone else
and dying to dye than taking all the pain.

I know
it was me who made this happen to begin with.
Making you dream of a life of your dreams
with me, and only bliss in it.
Dreaming about us,
just you and I.

I know
I kept lying
all along, keeping your hopes high.
I should have let you go before it was late;
I didn't, for I was greedy to let those moments go.
Although, all along I knew it's not long before it all ended.

I know
someday, I would have to go away, 
with nothing but  memories to hold on  to. 
But it gets harder as time closes by.
I wish my mind goes blind and 
you, remember nothing.

I'm sorry.
I didn't know I would go so early,
I didn't know I would become a scar than a life,
I didn't know fate had something this cruel for you and I.
I should have known you wouldn't want to belong to someone else.
I'm sorry, I would have to go alone leaving you on your own.

Being with you forever is all I've ever wanted.
It's too bad, I couldn't let you know
how hard it's going to be to let go
and that, I'll never be able to
dispense you out of this life
and never replace you...

15 August 2011


Time and again,
I go through this.
I'm sorry I couldn't ask you how things are.
I couldn't ask what's bothering you.
I couldn't tell you to calm down.
Or just tell you it'll all be alright.
I'm sorry I messed things between us.
I messed so bad; it's far beyond repair now.
I know we can't walk back.
So I've been tryin to remove the past.
But, end of the day,
it all ends up at exactly where I'd begun.
I just couldn't stop caring.
I'm sorry again, for not having the guts
to tell you I'm sorry in person.
I'm sorry again, for having the weirdest dignity.
I'm afraid I will be sorry,
if I don't say goodbye when I leave.
So here I say once again...

25 July 2011

You won't like it when you get it...

Over and over and over again...
this keeps happening.
Taking me granted I'm cool with that.
Messing up with my dignity thing?
you're done.
You don't know me people.
I'm of a different class.
I'm not cheap,
I'm dirty.
And disgusting.
This my friends are wrong.
Wrong for three things.
First it makes me think,
then it get me angry,
and then I don't really like getting angry.
Getting back at you now isn't hard.
But that's not me.
But I'm not gonna miss some sweet servings of revenge either.
Revenge, buddies, is best served cold.
and time, dears, is a friend of mine.
It bides its time to use the full of me.
And it has never seen failure in me.
Watch your back better right from now.
Time will use the sly me on you.
You won't like it when it does.

02 July 2011

Hate me more...

Hey Mr. Fate!
why do you hate me so much?
Everytime I get close to something;
you throw me away from it.
You throw me so far away
I couldn't even find my way back to it.

Everytime I need someone so badly
You get them away, so far away
They wash those memories of me off clean!
Why do you hold this grudge on me?
Just because I never blame it on you
You think I don't remember you?

Everytime I'm so confused,
when I need that someone
to listen to me,
You make them so busy;
getting a glance from them
goes like blizzard in the desert!

Everytime you show me a destination
with more than one road to take.
I always choose the one less traveled.
And it's getting harder and harder.
This time, I'm really not sure
if I even want to get to that place!

Whenever someone wonders
why does this fate thing hate them so much!

I always say that
this fate is a friend of none.
Giving you a taste of your own medicine.
I'll make people hate you and I hate you too.

And here it is this time.
You're not fooling me around.
This time I decide my destiny.
I know where I want to go
and I'm taking the route I feel like taking.
Yes I said it, in your face.

So hate me, hate me more.
I don't really care anymore.

29 June 2011

Me.. blabbering again...

An acquaintance, a guy you knew;
that's who I am now.
Taking it easy, isn't really working out for me.
I thought it would.
But it turns out I'm wrong; yet again.

Guilt is the most deadliest punishment.
And when there's nothing to make it up to;
it's even more agonizing.
The way I hate myself for letting you down
makes me want to rip myself apart.

Sometimes when I miss you madly
I go out and just start walking
with no place to go.
And I always end up losing my way.
Been lost a lot lately, just the way I lost you.

But there're always ways
to get back home.
You don't know how desperate I am
to have just one single way;
to get back to you.

It's weird but I can sense your presence at times.
It kills me when I don't look up and look at you.
Trying to just ignore!
Who am I kidding?
That's the last thing I could do.

I don't even know why I write such stuff.
Maybe because it's more like talking to you.
Reminds me of those good old times.
Clear days those were.
A loser I am to have it lost in time.

I wonder these days.
Would I get to say goodbye when I go.
For the last time and in person!
And  I don't see any prospects there.
So here I do it.

If  you ever get to read this; please know that.
I really wanted to say it to you.
You may have erased me from your minds.
I haven't, you're not in my memories.
You are the memory and there's no one replace you.

22 June 2011

Yup :(

Oh yea...

Been there before...
Being nice and being there,
For a friend or as a friend.
Staying there just being sweet.

Done that before.
Everytime I let them down,
or  so they say so.
It feels so weirdly  weird.

Why is it it's always me;
that even I myself blame on?
The nice guy face
is the most painful to keep on of all.

And it's even more painful
when I try ripping it off.
It's just me, I guess.
Or is it the world which's got issues?

Everytime I go down this  bottomless abyss,
I blabber stuff like this.
And everytime I meet someone new.
It happens all over again.

And everytime I think that
this role is too hard to play;
I also convince myself that
it's too beautiful to say no.

Yup, I'm mental.
And I go madder when go through this.
And by God I swear,
this has always been the hardest to endure.

And  yet I got myself into this hole,
one more time.
And I wish, just like the last time.
This would be last of it.

15 June 2011

Figure me out

I'm the class clown and I'm the joker.
Fun, it's always around me.
You provoke me to tickle your funny bone.
It's always been about me.

But have you ever thought
why this guy reacts
the way I expected him to?
You think you really manipulate me?

We're all smart, we've to admit it.
You have your reasons and I have mine.
Neither of us would actually
blurt the intentions.

But I can give you clues.
Guess me if you're smart as you think.
Little obvious clues
you've missed noticing until now.

Call all my friends; they're everywhere.
Hear them say I'm one of their best friends.
I really am and they really are my best friends.
All of them.

Different lives in different places.
You think you've seen the whole of me?
Close to me? You should've noticed by now.
The many faces aren't masks.

How long have you known me?
Long enough to judge me?
Well then you would know,
I never underestimate people and you'd know why.

Lives my friend are many.
For me and for you too.
I don't know all of yours.
But you think you know all that I live?

You instigate and I behave they way you want.
Trust me, I know me better than you do.
And I know how to make me look
the way I look.

Laugh at me and I would come up with an anger.
Laugh at me and I would steer into the skid.
Laugh at me and I would just ignore you.
I've got choices and I choose what needs to be chosen.

You sir, think you always outsmart me?
Well yes you do.
Or do you? really?
Couldn't they all just be to deceive?

The worlds have always got more to explore.
There could me more of me than you actually know.
Try, if you really think you need to.
I'm honest, It's not really hard.

Figure me out.

05 June 2011

Grant me life!

Beautiful people I've had in life.
They come for a change,
they come as the change.
Sometimes for a reason, and
they be the reason sometimes.
They make things happen,
they show me different worlds!

They make me believe in things;
things I never even knew existed.
They're all so magical,
they make me think they're special.
And just always,
they walk away.
Sometimes with reasons and sometimes without any.

I'm so messed up,
sometimes I don't even realize how much they mean to me.
Sometimes I'm such an idiot;
I never ask them to come back.
I'm never desperate, even
if they could change the wide world for me.

Sure, some stay in touch.
An occasional mail, or a call;
reminding me that they still
haven't destroyed me,
from their memories.
So inconsiderate I am,
I don't even think about myself.
If i had, i would've asked them
to come back.

A fool I was to let them go.
A fool I am to think of them now.
Would a call kill me?
I suppose not, it's just that
being the loner seems more appealing.
Strange as it may seem;
but can't stop concluding that
they're better off without me.

Damn my ego, damn my no expectation attitude.
They make me stay away
from such beautiful relationships.
Life, as it is has given me everything.
When would I learn to appreciate it?
I know I'm fun and I love life;
but contrary, I love loneliness greater.

God save me,
at this rate I might destroy the world;
just so I can stay lonely. And
perhaps that's why you gave her!
God thank you,
for giving her to me.
Most beautiful of all I've had.
All I ask you is to make her stay.

She's the only cure, and
probably the only way;
you've given me to survive!
Let me keep her, please.
I swear I'll never let her go.
I've lost enough, but I haven't cried yet...
But losing her, sure will make me cry.
And I, don't like crying,
for people.

I don't ask for a life with everything.
Just give me a life;
and her wih me.
If you will so;
I will make everything,
to make her happy.

Keep me this way
with this numb heart and no pain
I swear to you
I will stay faithful to her.
And she, will see to it that
I stay faithful to you.

02 June 2011

Who isn't?

Over and over again.
They keep saying.

Every stranger I meet,
thinks that I'm strange.

Every friend I have
thinks that I've changed.

Everything I do
pulls a lot of comments.
Everytime they see me
they only try to improve me.

It's like they despise
the way I live.

Like they're obsessed
with making me human.

Like they think that
strangeness is only in me

But strange or not
I'm cool with all of that.

But everytime they tell
that I'm crazy.

Everytime I say yes.
I ask myself.

You say I'm crazy?
Yes I am.

I'm crazy like I'm strange.
Just like you.

I'm crazy and I'm fun.
Are you not?

Damn no doubt I'm crazy!
But who isn't!?

23 May 2011

Think again!

How selfless can one be?
How can one say that they know someone for real?

Assumptions and presumptions,
will make one nothing but judgmental.

Why doesn't anyone see that
all that glitters aren't gold?

We humans are the blindest of all.
We tend to look but not see. We do it often.

Imagination is the deadliest of enemies.
It makes one believe in things.

So conclusive and so decisive we are.
We confuse thinking with imagination.

Imagination, obviously isn't real.
Matters of perception are often proved incorrect.

Here for instance, I have lives more than just one.
And all of them are real.

Instance here, you think you know me?
well think again.  

what you see aren't almost illusions.
Stop imagining and start to think; there could be more.

You needn't find it all.
only try thinking that there could be more.

An it's not always mandatory
to know it all.

19 May 2011

Blood Brothers...

You and I;

I don't know what's between us..

are we destined to be like this?

You're perhaps the only closest thing -

which doesn't make me all that senti!

Its like you sense me!

Everytime I'm down,

everytime I'm sad or elated,

or just blindly angry;

you come visit me.

Sometimes you drizzle, sometimes you pour down.

And it's usually is par for the course of my emotions!

Coincidence, correlation or whatever...

Name it,

With a thousand more words,

but I take it different.

It's like there's a bonding;

a special one. Between you and I.

You're  the friend in need.

A best one indeed. Yes you are.

You're so far away and yet

So close, watching me always.

Sensing what I myself am not sure about.

It's crazy to even think about.

It's like you do it all for me.

Smiling with showers when I smile.

Thundering down when I'm angry.

Moving with the wind when my heart isn't stable.

And best thing is,

I get my answers when you wash me with you.

I make my answers when you touch me.

You give me the kisses I've never gotten.

You remind me

Who I am.

Its seems sadistic;

not worrying about what the rest of the world goes through.

I mean, you're not always soft on them.

But for strange reasons,

I still want you more.

And you always rip my nice guy face away.

But the feeling is real when you're here.

And the feeling says,

you care about me the most...

What? sissy? I know... couldn't care less ;)

Rain, keep coming... partner..

You know when and you know why.

Keep coming.

I don't need a thing if you're here for me.

And I don't care a bit,

if you're the last thing I'd see.

I'd close my eyes enjoying the pain.

We're like blood brothers.

13 April 2011

For you my sister... :)

It's not even a day!
Sis, I miss you already.
We weren't really sentimental,
And we never really talked much;
much about stuff that actually mattered.
I wasn't a good brother... not even close....
I was never there for you;
when you needed me the most.
But you never complained! You're the best.
Even to me; such a jerk I was.
Stupid, silly and inconsiderate.

You know I cared for you.
And you always tolerated me;
everytime I got overprotective.
Lame things those were...
I should've cared more...
more than I did for others.
But I didn't and now I'm sorry.

It's all so crazy you know;
My kid sister just got married!
I keep telling myself tat it's about time.
Yet, it still seems so fast.
Kids were were yesterday.
You were the most envied in the neighborhood!
Cute, smart, nice to others and what not!?
It's all so fast. Faster than I had imagined.

You were always there for me to listen.
Fighting your frustrations within.
I'm sorry I didn't see it all when I should have.
I'm sorry that I had let you down so many times...
I'm sorry I'm  not the brother you deserve.

I realized a lot of things today.
It's your wedding and it was Beautiful...
and so were you...
All of these came flooding when I saw you cry.
I had mixed feelings.
I was happy, for I know you're the best.
You'll live the happiest life ever.
He's lucky and so is his family.
I was sad.
Because lately we hadn't spent enough time together.
And I knew that I'll miss you.
I'll miss seeing you during the monthly visits.
When I think about texting you at weird times;
asking you to wake me up early.
You know I held my tears back.
To you I always am the stronger one.
I will be for you.
I feel like crying now; but you know I'll never admit it if you ask :)

You know me better, and you still care for me.
You're the best sister ever.
You know I always knew that.
I just never told you.
I regret a lot now.
I should have tried listening to you;
when I was busy trying to look after others.
I'm not sure if all of that's  worth even remembering now.

You know... you almost know everything I ever did! almost...
but you never hated me for the things that I had done.
Maybe you liked me for who I am.
I've never admitted this before sis;
I always liked you for who you are...

It's about time for you to step in,
take the giant leap.
Because I'm sure!
God willing you'll live the most happiest and beautiful life ever.
And I will always be there...
Secretly admiring the way you do things,
and the way you live life.
Go on sis, you'll have it all.
And someday when I'm really grown up, you'll hear me say;
How proud I am of you....

04 April 2011


Clouds pass everyday.
But we notice not.
Some stay awhile and shower on us.
Some cover up the sun for us.
Some just drift away.
It happens around us,
and we never remember those clouds..

In my sky, there are no passing clouds.
They always stay. Always.
That's probably why I never see the sun.
Not that I'm complaining.
I cherish my clouds. Forever I will.
Only at times like this I realize
that it's good to see the sun once in a while.

I'm like one of them clouds in your sky.
Now I think I should have just drifted away
when I'd done with the showers.
But I like to stay, when I like the sky or what's underneath.
What I saw below; floating on your sky;
made me stop, and stay.
I saw the most beautiful rose I had ever showered on.

The rose most vulnerable in the sun.
Thorns all around the stem,
The cunning bees buzzing all over.
I thought perhaps I was sent to protect; mad thought.
After all I had seen and been through.
I still thought I should look after you.
From the sun, the thorns and the bees.

Had I realized that you needed the sun;
I wouldn't have stood there.
Taking those angry hot glares .
Had I realized that you grew the thorns to save yourself.
I wouldn't  have worried about it endlessly.
Had I realized that the bees cannot harm but steal the honey.
I wouldn't have dropped those spells to chase them away.

There was no intention. First time it was.
I failed to think; with my senses and not the heart.
Insanity at the worse:  trying to block the sun from getting at you?
Closing in on you:  to remove the thorns?
Thundering and pouring down:  to annihilate the bees?
Yes it is true; I failed to think.
About anything else.

Failed, to see that you had the strength.
Forgot to remember that,
You were fine on your own before I entered your sky.
To understand that, you knew
not just to survive, but to have a life as well.
Blind I was, and a failure,
failure as a friend.

Enough said and none done, yet.
I apologize one last time.
For all that's happened.
If and when, you ever decipher this.
I would be long gone.
Trust me one last time.
I've already started drifting away - from your sky.

30 March 2011

The search...

Where is life...

Soulless is when one's dead;
No breathing in, No breathing out.
No regrets is of use then.
Being soulless cause no pain.

Mind, it just goes away.
Soulless body has no mind.
It might feel pain;
It cannot be hurt.

Lifeless; a never thought truth.
Breathing in and breathing out,
Its all so hurt,
With regrets all left with it.

Where would it go?,
With no life but a mind to look after.
It might feel no pain,
But it does get hurt.

Poor mortal body,
With life lost and mind heavy.
Drifts with the thoughts,
Towards a destination unknown.

Heavy mind's love to live
Adds flame to the fire.
Numb and weak are the thoughts
As it continues to search life.

Search for life,
Is what I do with time.
I don't live with this body
I exist; I search life.

Expectations; can't recall the meaning.
Have not expected in a while..
I just move, I don't wish to hope,
But I search life. Can't stop it, I just do it.

Where is my life....

24 March 2011

is there another hell?

This is not to win you back,

Or to ask for a second chance.

I know I was wrong,

I know that I broke the trust.

But this is certainly not an apology.

This is just me, talking,

like every other time; just talking.

This no plea for forgiveness

I know I don't deserve one.

and I hate myself for letting you down anyway.

I say that I'm strong,

but everytime I see you;

it kills me.

is it guilt or is it shame?

Or is it just love and respect confronting ?

it's not just hard; it's painful.

way too painful than I had imagined.

I thought I'd never understand hell.

I guess I do now.

Everytime you pass me on trying to avoid my eyes;

it crushes the heart out of my chest.

This is got to be hell.

The silence, the unspoken anger,

and the way you try to ignore me...

Makes me feel like disappearing.

The only light is that it can't go any worse.

or could it?

could there be another hell worse than this?

is there really another hell??

02 February 2011

The last day

My mind's empty, there's no memories and there's no pain to feel
I'm a big boy, I'll get over it
I've been there before...

I had known that this would happen all along
but I never figured out how much would it hurt.
Its time now, lets say it
how hard it can be to say goodbye goodbye

If today's the last day, that you'd ever wanna see my face
Leave me with a smile in your face
Coz I don't remember yesterday
and there's no history to brag about

If today's the last day that I'd ever see your face
close your eyes and walk away
Coz I don't want you see me broken
I'm much stronger than you think

If what we have's the last day
I dread seeing tomorrow
Not that I can't move along
But I hate doing it this time...

It's about time; lets just say it
Your eyes, your smile the way you make things happen
would be my first memory of tomorrow

So turn around and just say it
Coz I don't want tears in my mind
It's just goodbye... goodbye..

24 January 2011

One of those times...

I go away,

and I decide not to look back ever.

I hideout,

but I keep stalking you.

I'm lost,

and I try not to look for.

For I know,

where I would find me.

And I don't want you to know;

that I'm in you.

There's a million things I wanna tell you,

and there's a million ways to do that.

But I don't wanna tell you that,

sometimes, you make me really crazy;

and this is one of those times...

There's a million girls out there,

and there's a million ways to get them.

But you're the only girl;

I never tried to impress

For I know, I can never lie to you!

It's all the same since the day we met.

And I just don't remember anything before that.

Nothing has changed until now, but,

sometimes you really make me crazy,

and, this, is one of those times.

You've got a weird taste,

and a powerful mind.

You chose the downtown thug,

and you made him blabber all of this..

Girl this is one of those vain attempts,

to really stay away from you.

Because you really make me crazy

and this is one of those times...