Inside

Held up tears and salty blood,
a thousand screams and flow-less thoughts,
tombs of dreams,
ashen smiles,
Hidden pains and heartless flesh -
all inside of me.

There's a burning guitar, some unheard strings.
Stolen words and sought out truths,
vain thefts and loyal cries -
it's all inside of me.
There's faith in there, hope in there;
bounding lines and bonding lies -
they're all in there.

Dreary stories unheard:
Mismatched life and mistaken paths,
thwarted steps and hurdled races.
Wasted signs and broken rules -
and more inside of me.

Unlinked letters and meaningless words,
unformed sentences and unearthed languages -
all buried in me

Hate in me, there's loathe in me.
Suppressed anger, distracted vision -
focusless sight's inside.
Slipped away love and a numb soul,
denied rights and snatched memories,
there's a rebel inside of me

Strange limping-strides that I take,
the strolls I go, the songs I write
they're all to hide - this search inside of me

A hundred egos none care of -
there's an angry kid, a frightened girl
a wise old man, they're all inside of me.

There's an outlaw, there are disguises
and reasons to break-free,
there's a giant hard songbird  in me

There's mindless words and a lot of sense -
there's rock inside of me.

The meaning of meaning - that is inside me.

The Phoenix Me

I like the Phoenix,
not for the myth,
not just for the stories.
I like the Phoenix
for it is rebirth

Phoenix is hope,
it is the core of cure,
the wings of faith.
Faith, faith in future for better.
Phoenix, it's the symbol of change,
and change, is always for the best.

I like the Phoenix,
for it holds on to its past
to give birth to the future.
The past which turns history
mysteriously repeats itself,
and every while it does so in a better way.

I like the Phoenix because,
I'm like the Phoenix in many ways,
so many ways.
I'm like the Phoenix
I never let go off the past
And I give birth to myself quite often
I am the change, I am the cycle,
I am destined to be my own destiny;
much like the Phoenix.

And Phoenix, very rarely realizes this.
And when it does,  there occurs a rebirth.
This, is one other cycle in me.
Another time that I realize this.
And now, I am born again; this is rebirth.
The new me, with all the past filled in.
All the more stronger and full of changes.
Full of faith and hope.
Another time I realize that

I'm young again.
And the world is open, just like the last time.
I'm being born again, and rebelieve
that,
I am the Phoenix.

The Expensive Sleep

I'm done trying to live.
I tried and I tried,
it's only been a few years though.

Maybe all of that was a mistake -
the desire to taste the good, and the filth
I tried, and I reckon I failed.

And I think I need to quit.
I'm not a quitter,
but then again everything has a first time. 

Suppose it's time to say goodbye
to all the swill and the smoke and all the fabled fun,
to lock that part of life inside the chest.

Grave ideas brace my mind
Death as painful and scary as it may appear,
strangely seems a little agonizing.

It's no wish, I don't seek death.
A coward, I'm afraid of dying.
But it still seems like less pain.

But then again, I can't die.
I can't afford death
It is an expensive drug.

It's that impasse again
I can't lose, it's not my fight.
And with what I owe the world, and the folks

I merely can't afford death.
As peaceful and serene as it may appear,
death is still an expensive sleep.

I'm no saint, I'm no significant,
yet, I couldn't let them regret giving birth to me
when they find me gone.

Never once have I considered
that a day would come
when I would day-dream about death.

Of all my day-dreams, death
appears the most unattainable.
I simply cannot die.

The stakes are high, the price is high.
It's way too far to reach.
Time and energy is scarce to try. 

I don't have the heart to die. It has gone rock solid.