Me.. blabbering again...

An acquaintance, a guy you knew;
that's who I am now.
Taking it easy, isn't really working out for me.
I thought it would.
But it turns out I'm wrong; yet again.

Guilt is the most deadliest punishment.
And when there's nothing to make it up to;
it's even more agonizing.
The way I hate myself for letting you down
makes me want to rip myself apart.

Sometimes when I miss you madly
I go out and just start walking
with no place to go.
And I always end up losing my way.
Been lost a lot lately, just the way I lost you.

But there're always ways
to get back home.
You don't know how desperate I am
to have just one single way;
to get back to you.

It's weird but I can sense your presence at times.
It kills me when I don't look up and look at you.
Trying to just ignore!
Who am I kidding?
That's the last thing I could do.

I don't even know why I write such stuff.
Maybe because it's more like talking to you.
Reminds me of those good old times.
Clear days those were.
A loser I am to have it lost in time.

I wonder these days.
Would I get to say goodbye when I go.
For the last time and in person!
And  I don't see any prospects there.
So here I do it.

If  you ever get to read this; please know that.
I really wanted to say it to you.
You may have erased me from your minds.
I haven't, you're not in my memories.
You are the memory and there's no one replace you.

Yup :(

Oh yea...

Been there before...
Being nice and being there,
For a friend or as a friend.
Staying there just being sweet.

Done that before.
Everytime I let them down,
or  so they say so.
It feels so weirdly  weird.

Why is it it's always me;
that even I myself blame on?
The nice guy face
is the most painful to keep on of all.

And it's even more painful
when I try ripping it off.
It's just me, I guess.
Or is it the world which's got issues?

Everytime I go down this  bottomless abyss,
I blabber stuff like this.
And everytime I meet someone new.
It happens all over again.

And everytime I think that
this role is too hard to play;
I also convince myself that
it's too beautiful to say no.

Yup, I'm mental.
And I go madder when go through this.
And by God I swear,
this has always been the hardest to endure.

And  yet I got myself into this hole,
one more time.
And I wish, just like the last time.
This would be last of it.

Figure me out

I'm the class clown and I'm the joker.
Fun, it's always around me.
You provoke me to tickle your funny bone.
It's always been about me.

But have you ever thought
why this guy reacts
the way I expected him to?
You think you really manipulate me?

We're all smart, we've to admit it.
You have your reasons and I have mine.
Neither of us would actually
blurt the intentions.

But I can give you clues.
Guess me if you're smart as you think.
Little obvious clues
you've missed noticing until now.

Call all my friends; they're everywhere.
Hear them say I'm one of their best friends.
I really am and they really are my best friends.
All of them.

Different lives in different places.
You think you've seen the whole of me?
Close to me? You should've noticed by now.
The many faces aren't masks.

How long have you known me?
Long enough to judge me?
Well then you would know,
I never underestimate people and you'd know why.

Lives my friend are many.
For me and for you too.
I don't know all of yours.
But you think you know all that I live?

You instigate and I behave they way you want.
Trust me, I know me better than you do.
And I know how to make me look
the way I look.

Laugh at me and I would come up with an anger.
Laugh at me and I would steer into the skid.
Laugh at me and I would just ignore you.
I've got choices and I choose what needs to be chosen.

You sir, think you always outsmart me?
Well yes you do.
Or do you? really?
Couldn't they all just be to deceive?

The worlds have always got more to explore.
There could me more of me than you actually know.
Try, if you really think you need to.
I'm honest, It's not really hard.

Figure me out.

Grant me life!

Beautiful people I've had in life.
They come for a change,
they come as the change.
Sometimes for a reason, and
they be the reason sometimes.
They make things happen,
they show me different worlds!

They make me believe in things;
things I never even knew existed.
They're all so magical,
they make me think they're special.
And just always,
they walk away.
Sometimes with reasons and sometimes without any.

I'm so messed up,
sometimes I don't even realize how much they mean to me.
Sometimes I'm such an idiot;
I never ask them to come back.
I'm never desperate, even
if they could change the wide world for me.

Sure, some stay in touch.
An occasional mail, or a call;
reminding me that they still
haven't destroyed me,
from their memories.
So inconsiderate I am,
I don't even think about myself.
If i had, i would've asked them
to come back.

A fool I was to let them go.
A fool I am to think of them now.
Would a call kill me?
I suppose not, it's just that
being the loner seems more appealing.
Strange as it may seem;
but can't stop concluding that
they're better off without me.

Damn my ego, damn my no expectation attitude.
They make me stay away
from such beautiful relationships.
Life, as it is has given me everything.
When would I learn to appreciate it?
I know I'm fun and I love life;
but contrary, I love loneliness greater.

God save me,
at this rate I might destroy the world;
just so I can stay lonely. And
perhaps that's why you gave her!
God thank you,
for giving her to me.
Most beautiful of all I've had.
All I ask you is to make her stay.

She's the only cure, and
probably the only way;
you've given me to survive!
Let me keep her, please.
I swear I'll never let her go.
I've lost enough, but I haven't cried yet...
But losing her, sure will make me cry.
And I, don't like crying,
for people.

I don't ask for a life with everything.
Just give me a life;
and her wih me.
If you will so;
I will make everything,
to make her happy.

Keep me this way
with this numb heart and no pain
I swear to you
I will stay faithful to her.
And she, will see to it that
I stay faithful to you.

Who isn't?

Over and over again.
They keep saying.

Every stranger I meet,
thinks that I'm strange.

Every friend I have
thinks that I've changed.

Everything I do
pulls a lot of comments.
.
Everytime they see me
they only try to improve me.

It's like they despise
the way I live.

Like they're obsessed
with making me human.

Like they think that
strangeness is only in me

But strange or not
I'm cool with all of that.

But everytime they tell
that I'm crazy.

Everytime I say yes.
I ask myself.

You say I'm crazy?
Yes I am.

I'm crazy like I'm strange.
Just like you.

I'm crazy and I'm fun.
Are you not?

Damn no doubt I'm crazy!
But who isn't!?