02 April 2018


Sometimes, at the end of a day, my ears physically hurt.
They hurt literally...
Those days all I try to do is sit quiet.
I sit quiet, try and turn off everything I can.

The whizz of the fan hurts, the sound of my breathing does too.
I sit down quite. I turn off everything.
Mostly, I'm at peace.
But sometimes, the silence hurts more.

Not philosophical, not emotional, and not spiritual - the last one to be the last thing to ever be!
The chaos that I go through...
The noises this world is so in love with,
everything hurts my ears.

It used to be the case that silence would hurt till it heals.
But these days, I come, I sit in silence.
It hurts that it is silent.
I should be over feeling things by now, I know.

Over feeling anything, especially pain!
Pain, just like other things, is just weakness.
But sometimes I still feel it.
Not just in my ears.

Coming home to an empty house,
how I used to love it!
The peace and quiet, the darkness and the smell of nothing!
A big part of me still does.

The big part doesn't seem to matter anymore!
The little chunk, the one that's clinging on...
That for some reason calls the shot.
For that and for that alone, I will end it.

The need for me to need someone's sound,
I should do better.
Love, my dear self, is just chemicals.
It's gratefulness that makes one sane.

Grateful, I am to her, will always be.
Shouldn't hurt the ears to not hear her words eating dinner, right?
It seems it will - always.
Good that the pain threshold is big.

Be big... just a few more years, or days, whichever's the case...
The grand silence will be upon me. I should and would hold on...

29 April 2015

You belong there

Ever been on a beach? Watching the waves crash?
One after another.

You see the next one forming up...
and you think every wave tries to get you.

Sometimes you like it, sometimes not
But you keep looking at them - you can't stop...

These waves, they're wondrous!
Forget the science, think of the thrill, the menacing roar!
Yet, they calm you down...
You feel you belong there - with them.

Eerie silence and darkness creeping around,
but the horizon reminds you that the world is out there.

It's open and you're a free spirit - you're not trapped.

Next time you see the world shrinking around you,
look at the sky - there's nothing locking you in
and the sea's out there, under the sky, not too far from you!


Find yourself at home one more time.

05 November 2014

The way we are...

Feeble, weak, fragile, and stupidly condescending
failed, fake and weirdly masking a fake pride
we've turned everything that ever was meant to be
to something that even nature wouldn't have attempted to give a chance!
We are not good the way we are...

What organs do, we don't know
when they go wrong, we don't know!
consciousness, a big joke...
conscious, about what?
images processed by a thing that's not even completely evolved?

Trust me when I say, we're not good the way we are!

Seeing what's going out there
knowing what it all could be
predicting, analyzing, knowing things!
knowing thing!! - kill me now... knowing things!
knowing things, delusional we are, and worst, denial we are in!

Call me trash and stop right here, but we are not good the way we are...
can't control the way blood flows
can't stop a tissue from overgrowing
can't even know when something stops functioning - consciousness my rear!
sentience, I can't even manage to laugh at the thought of it!

But you can when I say we're not good the way we are...

Way we are, my fellow blob
that's what you are, that's what I am
blob, the way we are is the least place where any evolved creature can be in here!
sadly, that's where we are
truth is, that's where you are

Where I am or what I am?
Not where you are
and I'm certain, not even close to what you are...
I am nothing I mocked up there... I'm not
I'm not and you know the reason!
I'm not because you never even thought of any of it... let alone smirk!

I am smirking, and I hope you all vanish.

Truth is, I know you all will - the way you are, you shouldn't be here...

Trust me, you won't be.

09 October 2014

Lonely Train

On a lonely train... and the tracks don't end.
It just moves, on and on, and on...
I'm here in it; the only one in it.
A lonely passenger on a lonely train I am

On an on I look, I look I see nothing
nothing but objects passing by, whizzing past
getting a glance, a single frame movie is what I am, to them...
But they, they make it all seem alive to me. Momentum, keeps me awake.

On a distant land I fancy, there is a station I'd stop at
The distant land I've looked forward to for ages
I never reached, never stopped...
Deep down I know, I never will; that distant land doesn't exist!

Vision vivid and ears buzzing
I yearn for something to see, to make sense
Should I jump? I can't decide
what's out there anyway! it's all but still...

17 July 2014

Through The Roof of Glass

Looking through the roof of glass
I wonder if they see us down from the heavens
Wonder what they see...
Wonder if they know what we know...
Of the dreams, the sorrows,
Of little happiness, of pain unspoken...

Through the roof of glass...
Is it possible to hear the hearts?
Of the silent cries for help? The longing for love?
Do they tenderly smile and nod?
Or do they mock and smirk?
Are they up there wondering!?
Wondering why we do, what we do the way we do?

Through the roof of glass, do they know?
That what's seen isn't all real?
That smiles deceive?
That they hide agonies and evil alike?

Miles and miles above
through the non-existent roof of glass...
Do they really believe that this is all a show to them?

Well then let's smoke all our skies
and choke ourselves down
Down, with a sick pleasure
That finally, they up there,
don't get the perverted pleasure by eyeing us anymore...