Never to Love

Never to love - that's the dream.
every time you fall in and out
every time you're broken
sometimes you mend yourself
sometimes time does it for you
you get back up, you get out there and find a new one
you find a new way to get yourself beaten up again

But there comes a point when you will be shattered for real
you will lose all love that you had for life
there is knife inside you and it's waiting
it's waiting for that time to start piercing out from within
slowly carving tiny words to scar for life
slowly stabbing like it's just its routine
pray you don't find yourself there
it's agonizing

If you can decide now, if you have the heart, the will...
decide now; decide that you will never love
and that heart of yours? let it not go through that pain
pray now, think now and decide now
because when you find yourself there
you would dream to have never loved

Never to love - that is the dream
dream it now, maybe it will come true for you

The Writer Me

I like this

I like that, I like stuff that make you laugh.

I like fights, I like to ride!

But I all I do of those things is write.

I am this I could be that...

People tell me this all the time.

I could do that, no big deal is that,

I would do it, sure it's just that!

Chose and heard, heard and chose,

I do stuff that's good, and I do stuff good.

But all that I do, I end up getting here...!

I write stuff, that's who I am!

I write stuff, stuff that's shit.

I write it, even the ones lame.

I write things, they don't look pretty!

I write them, they don't follow no grammar!

I write all that, it's what I do...

It's what I've been doing ever since I started writing!

I am this and I am that!

But all that I am, I only express with this!

These words are what I am... was, am and will be no doubt!

I breathe them in and breathe them out!

I am that crappy writer you hate.

Crappy writer; I am that.

But I am one, a writer that is,that's what I am!

Genius

(To that kid who went to school with me...)

You are genius.
I know it isn't easy being that!
But you are what you are.

True, genius is frowned upon,
it's laughed at, and it is mocked a bit too.
Genius is not appreciated always.
It is not really received well.
It is blamed, beaten up sometimes!
But it is what it is, and you -
you are what you are.

But you have to see something:
Genius walks along with genius in the end.

True, despite the knowledge and intelligence,
and the brilliance that come to be out of them,
it is hard not to feel like the odd one out - always!

But you have to know something:
The odd ones are special; there are very few of you!

If I could go back in time, I would make you realize it.
Irony of life isn't it? Me showing You things!
But even the best of minds could do with help.
Help from the least expected source.

I would ask you to look at me
and look through me and think of this:
Would you be rather me, wanting to be you?
would you be yourself, just the way you are?

True, it only gets harder as time goes by.
But even today, come to think of it -
who would you rather be?
I know the answer - no doubt you do too!

Take heed brother, I talk to you because
It takes more than just a simple mind to make sense of my words.
You are better off being you.
The world is too because of you.

But it is not forever.
The aim is to have a world with no geniuses.
For when genius is everywhere, genius is nowhere!
That is the world you strive to build.

Know this, you are sculpting future for better.
The future, where none looks at things,
and not think through things...
where you are smiled at not mocked!

That's the dream and you will help it come true.
You have to, you are partly to be blamed!
You helped us beat evolution!
The lot of us who are not supposed to be here, are here,
because of geniuses like you.

Be patient sister, it took centuries for people
to stop wanting to kill geniuses!
They've made good progress.
They try understanding genius now.
Soon they'll truly appreciate and they will all want to be you.

Until then, be what you are... we need you.

A Little More Time...

I'm dying and I know it...

I'm not afraid of death,

but I don't want it!

I want to live... but I know I can't..

I just want to make sure that

that those I love won't suffer when I'm gone...

I will be gone and I know it.. 

I don't want to leave but

what choice do I have!?

I really would like to grow old, go senile and to wish I was dead already but

I don't really have much choice.

Half blind, weak, bleak and rotting,

I don't deserve this place anymore.

I only need to make sure that

that the ones I love will have it all..

that they won't worry when I'm gone

that they won't need me and so

so they won't miss me.

My pride's no more, my health's no more.

Time failed! I'm only glad that alcohol hasn't yet!

When I'm gone, and when I meet that Creator,

I'll only want to remember one thing to ask...

I'll ask the Creator that

that I know you're not bound by emotions and feelings!

that you're the one who created those but,

why did you want me to go through all that I had to go through!?

Creator! why this!? I'm asking on behalf of every sentient soul who ever lived - 

why us?

To me, you don't have the need to feel!

To me, you created it all!

To me, it seems like you're giving devil the upper hand - it is not fair!!

Why this? Why us? Why now?

Too bad you're the Creator or

or I would've asked you to be in my place for a minute!

Too bad I'm too insignificant to ask it all!

Too bad I can think these stuff the way I think!!

I'm OK with all of that my God.

I just cannot die yet.

I, I need a little more time...

Just a little more time to fix things! Please?

Rot me in hell for all that you had intended me to do, I don't mind

I don't mind and I know I don't have a say...

Just let me live for some more time and

Let me not go blind till the time I die...

A little more time is all I ask.

Know you had it all written.

But could you please change it this one time...

..and give me a little more time?

I'd praise you till the end of all hell while I burn and rot there... 

For just a little more time...

I swear upon you I will.

Unloving

Unloving...
The more I think, the more I wonder!
How do you unlove someone?

Now hating is not hard.
Reasons help you hate.
Good, or bad - doesn't matter.
With reasons, you hate.

But unloving is hard.
How do you unlove?
How do you reciprocate having no feeling?

Say there was a void and love filled itself.
How do you empty it again?
How do you spill love out without filling in hatred.

Would time be of any help?
Should you just wait for another love to fill in the void?
Would you have unloved the person then?

How do you unlove?
All the reasons, right and wrong don't seem to help!
Every vain attempt seems so senseless after it fails.

Would it help when you die?

What's Not Meant

Walk up to the moon, can you?

Pointing at the horizon, he said; walk up to the moon there.

Not everything is possible son, some things are meant not to be done!

You’re not meant to fly. The fish not meant to walk. The birds not meant to lie down.

As is the world’s nature; so are the laws that bind the worlds together. Just the way they are…

At Peace... :)

At peace, I said that day, I want to be at peace...
It was almost midnight,
we were almost having our time together.
Almost... except,
I was working and you were watching,
and waiting...

I saw you watching me
and I said, just five more minutes :)
I was almost done. I sighed and I said
I want to be at peace! Only for a minute...

I remember that look.
That kind look and that pure smile!
With that smile you said,
sleep, you'll finish the work and we'll have our 'our time' when I wake you up.

Sleep, I did, at your place, on your couch.
It was morning and it was your old alarm clock that shook me up.
I looked to my side and saw you sleeping!
You were up the next second.
You were up and you smiled.
The sleepy face, messed up hair and that look again...
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen!

You din't wake me up - I said.
You wanted to be at peace, you said.
And you slept with me? I asked.
And you said -
I wanted to be at peace too...

It was that that made you special.
Well, among many other things... :)
But it was that that's most special
and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard!

I miss those days.
And with every passing day, I miss you more.

These days I wonder,
how am I ever going to find someone like you!
Find, and replace...
It's what I do these days.
Wonder and wander through the past.

And when I want to be at peace
I walk alone and I think of you.

And I have been walking alone a lot...

Single Stuff I

If you don't stumble enough, you won't learn how to break a fall.

Not Taking Life Seriously

Incidents that were incomplete in memory,

ideas that never made to papers,

ideals that only existed in words...

I am the perfect example of imperfection.

Good times, bad times; some never recorded, some never reminded.

Gone were the winds, so were the thoughts...

Guts be it, insanity be it.

Glad those mistakes made their way into life.

Second after second, day after day, year after year,

I do, and I do the same.

Every single day that I wake up to,

I realize it's yet another day

and I'm still alive...

Another day that I'm thankful for...

For not taking life too seriously.

Seriously, life is too simple a thing to boggle about.

Life, the short little interval -

turns a lie without fun!

A pinch of hope is all it takes.

A pinch of hope is what is takes to keep going...

You see those homeless kids?
They might never have had three meals a day!
You see them when they play?
In the dirt, under the sun and while it rains?
You know what holds them strong?
Watch their eyes smile when they're happy...

Happy they are, they are in the moment
and happy they are, they have hope in their hearts...

Things would turn up alright for them
that's the hope... Amen to that.

They may face grave perils on their way, God forbid.
But their hope will keep them going...

You know what I hope?
I hope the faith in life never fades.

That tiny little belief that light their lives,
may that stay on forever...

More to it

Tiny droplets fall down.
Billions of them hit down every second!

What if they're all the souls that lived on Earth?
Coming down to visit their old homes...
Cursing us for the destruction we've caused
Wishing we're washed off of the face of this planet
Trying to drown us to cleanse the land they belonged to...

Billions of them fall down in the name of rain.
Rain, the grand melt-down. Is it just condensed vapor?

Or could there more to it?

That Makes You Human!

It's there. It's been there.
It's in us, deep within us.

It's in you. Inside of you...
Sometimes you nurture it.
And when you nurture it, you nurture it in your heart.

And no it isn't love.
Love's good, love's pure.
but then love's also got motive...
This doesn't. Its roots go longer than your veins!

I swear it isn't love.
Love's no fun when there's no getting back.
This is. It's more fun when you give it than get it...
Love's more fun when you were in love, in the past.
But so was kindergarten. Too much effort, but you forgot it!

This was fun then.
Do it now and it's fun now.
Trust me you have it inside you.
You did what you did then with heart,
You did good. It's good that you did good.
You did not have to do that. Yet you did, and did not speak of it.

You believe God knows it?
Well so he does everything else.
Your sins, he knows; you speak of it.
Trust me, I should know. I speak of mine.
You know it feels good when you do good!
You know why you do good when you aren't asked to?
Because you're hardwired to do good. You're designed with it.

Sometimes you raise it.
You raise it good, you spread it good.
And you end up great, making a difference.
But you're no different. There were others before,
and there'll be more after. But it's good there'll be more.
It is ok if that difference is short-lived. No, you are not a fool!
Fool is he, who looks to his shoulders and sees no brother, no peer.
He is that man who has no sister to wish him peace. You're not him.

You, you have compassion. Compassion makes you great, it takes you high. It makes you human!

Genetically Lunatic!

Great men who dreamed of big things,
their creed in guiding humanity,
their vision in driving future generations towards continued existence in harmony,
and their flawed foresight that failed to see that such dreams were not meant to come true...

Those men and women, I worry, are crying in their graves due to our state of play.

Those great minds did not see
that efforts were already being thwarted right then by puny narcissists.

They failed to think, to see that difference as we'd see
would be a lot different from what they had in mind!
I feel sorry for them.

They did not realize that kindness, compassion and humility that ran through their veins,
might not run through their bloodlines.

If only they knew that their genes of goodness were the odd ones out
and that they didn't stand a chance against the widespread epidemic of lunacy...

They could not have guessed that they planned whatever they planned
only to fade away in papers.

They definitely did not see that the rest of the world is genetically lunatic
and there is absolutely no redemption...

How Wisdom is Won...

Is it time? Is this where it ends?
I don't reckon. No I don't!

Looking back into the past, up until the very last second,
the things that I looked past come mocking me...

But faith doesn't fade.
My blood isn't dry yet!

I have a lot of goodness in me.
True, I haven't been putting them to good use,

They've been ignored.
But they're still in me!

Now that I've fought most things that I had to fight.
Those things that are made of me!

I do realize I am the sin factory.
I'd rather say I was. I redeem... on my own!

The anxiety, the guilt and the grief of bad times.
The confidence, pride and peace of good times.

They're all done and gone.
But am I done yet!?

Grinning at the grim reaper,
I figured out now. It is not.

True, a lot of innocence is gone now.
But at the expense of it -

Wisdom, is won.

And with this reclaimed wisdom,
I decide to say pass to death for now...

I'm living on :)

Survival

Fists clenched and teeth gritting,
I struggled not to scream...
Pulling up my scathed leg,
sweating hurt too.
Flesh torn and blood squirting,
I hoped to go out cold...
Dragged myself to the side of the road,
breathing hurt too.
Eyes closed shut and body trembling,
I prayed to get it over...
Standing up and fighting pain,
I yearned for the end.
I kept thinking every second that,
that'd be the last.
So long ago, but I remember
the agony as it was...
But every time I think of it,
I'm grateful for the while it lasted.
The pain that day turned me strong,
I think of it, and I think of this:
I survive because I struggle.

Rebirth

Ah the smell of rain...
It makes me feel like I hadn't taken a breath  in years!
Tears of clouds, and the moaning winds!
What can I say to describe?
It brings back old memories...
Days that shone; like time's echoing back to me!
Rain's rebirth.
I am cleansed now.
Pure is my mind and body - now
I'm refreshed and ready:
for another stint at living a sin of a life in this world...

The Price of Stupidity

There is thing a about humans.
We humans are all spendthrifts.

Wise are the misers!
For they justify saving... but there're only a few of them.

The rest of us,
we justify spending.

We convince ourselves losing is good.
That we lose a thing to earn a thing!

At least that is how we justify.
It is an evolutionary defect.

Often it seems like we regret spending after spending.
It only seems; it's not real, not mostly.

We take pride in spending; that is what we do.
We are too proud to not spend.

But in every human's life there comes the time more than once
when they pay for being too stupid!

It is when it occurs to them that
it is not worth it.

The shame, the guilt, remorse and loathing afterwards!
Plus the price...

It is evident that the price of stupidity is the most outrageous of all.
Yet, there is no man who hasn't paid it in his lifetime.

The Road to Realization

Inside the deep corners of your mind you know it's true. 
True, it takes time. 
True, you need the push. 
But reaching there isn't all about it... 
The road it matters. 
The road to realization matters. 
All the bumps you hit matter. 
The velocity and the impacts matter. 
Those moments when you break? Well they matter too. 
This road is the book, and you are written in it. 
Your destination? There is none. Every realization makes up a chapter. 
And every mile you cross makes you stronger. 
There are no mistakes. 
Things happen because they're meant to happen. 
You rise, you fall because you're meant to learn. 
And if you learn things the hard way - you will be better at them next time. 
Don't ever regret taking a road. 
You took it because you had to. 
The things you lost? They were never yours. 
The things that are yours 
will always be yours. 
And the road will only make the bond stronger. 
Realize something now? 
Thank the road - Another part of you is now complete.