Lonely Train

On a lonely train... and the tracks don't end.
It just moves, on and on, and on...
I'm here in it; the only one in it.
A lonely passenger on a lonely train I am

On an on I look, I look I see nothing
nothing but objects passing by, whizzing past
getting a glance, a single frame movie is what I am, to them...
But they, they make it all seem alive to me. Momentum, keeps me awake.

On a distant land I fancy, there is a station I'd stop at
The distant land I've looked forward to for ages
I never reached, never stopped...
Deep down I know, I never will; that distant land doesn't exist!

Vision vivid and ears buzzing
I yearn for something to see, to make sense
Should I jump? I can't decide
what's out there anyway! it's all but still...

Through The Roof of Glass

Looking through the roof of glass
I wonder if they see us down from the heavens
Wonder what they see...
Wonder if they know what we know...
Of the dreams, the sorrows,
Of little happiness, of pain unspoken...

Through the roof of glass...
Is it possible to hear the hearts?
Of the silent cries for help? The longing for love?
Do they tenderly smile and nod?
Or do they mock and smirk?
Are they up there wondering!?
Wondering why we do, what we do the way we do?

Through the roof of glass, do they know?
That what's seen isn't all real?
That smiles deceive?
That they hide agonies and evil alike?

Miles and miles above
through the non-existent roof of glass...
Do they really believe that this is all a show to them?

Well then let's smoke all our skies
and choke ourselves down
Down, with a sick pleasure
That finally, they up there,
don't get the perverted pleasure by eyeing us anymore...

Worthy of love?

Am I worth it?

I really doubt it.

If I were, you would have seen it somehow, at some point of time.

I'm not.

I'm not it.

I'm not that thing you like... not even close.

This whole me?  It's wrong.

Nice guy? Curse that! Not even close...

I'm that you like being around;

I'm that you like talking to,

I'm that you fight with...

that you can rely on.

I'm that friend.

A friend I am.

I am that you pity on.

That is who I am...

A friend you pity on.

I am not what you truly deserve!

Not even as a friend, forget being a lover...

I'm not that.

I,

I know I am not that.

Every time I breath in, I remind myself of that...

I am not that.

Every time I breath out, it kills me...

that I am not that.

I don't know why it's that!

I pray I could change;

I pray I could be that... you know...

I try, desperately, shamelessly, to not to pray!

But I am that.

It is that irrevocable.

I try, I fail, and I try and I fail...

I can't blame you... I blame me.

Blame be on me, but I can't cease to exist either!

I'm scared!

I'm scared I won't remember you if I don't exist...

I choose to live... be agonizing as it may...

I wish to live; and know you till I can.

I'm sorry I am this!

I know it's repulsive... even be disgusting!

But I am this...

I'd rather be gone, than be this...

I love you and I'm sorry I do!

I love you, I can't help it.

I'm sorry I am this... I don't like this me either...

I will change I promised.

I will change, I promised myself too...

But I've known me for so long!

I'm not good at keeping promises...

I will be gone till I change I said.

So will I, till I change.

If, and when I come back,

please let me back in...

I know it is far-fetched!

I know I am this... I know I don't change...

But I honestly wish I do.

I wish I do, and I wish that I could have that again...

I wish I could have that little space in you.

Little, insignificant, but I wish I get that again.

I wish it all truly...

I wish I would be there with you for like forever

I wish I will never drink myself to sleep

I wish that you, sometimes, even for a minute, remember me...

and I wish, if, and when you do, you smile a little!

I wish it all, and I wish it all come true...

But above all, I wish somewhere there exists another universe;

I wish somehow you're with me!
I wish I'd be worthy of your love there,

and I wish you love me there...

I wish it all happens there.

But even there, if it costs me what it costs me here,

I wish that universe ceases to exist...

Never to Love

Never to love - that's the dream.
every time you fall in and out
every time you're broken
sometimes you mend yourself
sometimes time does it for you
you get back up, you get out there and find a new one
you find a new way to get yourself beaten up again

But there comes a point when you will be shattered for real
you will lose all love that you had for life
there is knife inside you and it's waiting
it's waiting for that time to start piercing out from within
slowly carving tiny words to scar for life
slowly stabbing like it's just its routine
pray you don't find yourself there
it's agonizing

If you can decide now, if you have the heart, the will...
decide now; decide that you will never love
and that heart of yours? let it not go through that pain
pray now, think now and decide now
because when you find yourself there
you would dream to have never loved

Never to love - that is the dream
dream it now, maybe it will come true for you

The Writer Me

I like this

I like that, I like stuff that make you laugh.

I like fights, I like to ride!

But I all I do of those things is write.

I am this I could be that...

People tell me this all the time.

I could do that, no big deal is that,

I would do it, sure it's just that!

Chose and heard, heard and chose,

I do stuff that's good, and I do stuff good.

But all that I do, I end up getting here...!

I write stuff, that's who I am!

I write stuff, stuff that's shit.

I write it, even the ones lame.

I write things, they don't look pretty!

I write them, they don't follow no grammar!

I write all that, it's what I do...

It's what I've been doing ever since I started writing!

I am this and I am that!

But all that I am, I only express with this!

These words are what I am... was, am and will be no doubt!

I breathe them in and breathe them out!

I am that crappy writer you hate.

Crappy writer; I am that.

But I am one, a writer that is,that's what I am!