Worthy of love?

Am I worth it?

I really doubt it.

If I were, you would have seen it somehow, at some point of time.

I'm not.

I'm not it.

I'm not that thing you like... not even close.

This whole me?  It's wrong.

Nice guy? Curse that! Not even close...

I'm that you like being around;

I'm that you like talking to,

I'm that you fight with...

that you can rely on.

I'm that friend.

A friend I am.

I am that you pity on.

That is who I am...

A friend you pity on.

I am not what you truly deserve!

Not even as a friend, forget being a lover...

I'm not that.

I,

I know I am not that.

Every time I breath in, I remind myself of that...

I am not that.

Every time I breath out, it kills me...

that I am not that.

I don't know why it's that!

I pray I could change;

I pray I could be that... you know...

I try, desperately, shamelessly, to not to pray!

But I am that.

It is that irrevocable.

I try, I fail, and I try and I fail...

I can't blame you... I blame me.

Blame be on me, but I can't cease to exist either!

I'm scared!

I'm scared I won't remember you if I don't exist...

I choose to live... be agonizing as it may...

I wish to live; and know you till I can.

I'm sorry I am this!

I know it's repulsive... even be disgusting!

But I am this...

I'd rather be gone, than be this...

I love you and I'm sorry I do!

I love you, I can't help it.

I'm sorry I am this... I don't like this me either...

I will change I promised.

I will change, I promised myself too...

But I've known me for so long!

I'm not good at keeping promises...

I will be gone till I change I said.

So will I, till I change.

If, and when I come back,

please let me back in...

I know it is far-fetched!

I know I am this... I know I don't change...

But I honestly wish I do.

I wish I do, and I wish that I could have that again...

I wish I could have that little space in you.

Little, insignificant, but I wish I get that again.

I wish it all truly...

I wish I would be there with you for like forever

I wish I will never drink myself to sleep

I wish that you, sometimes, even for a minute, remember me...

and I wish, if, and when you do, you smile a little!

I wish it all, and I wish it all come true...

But above all, I wish somewhere there exists another universe;

I wish somehow you're with me!
I wish I'd be worthy of your love there,

and I wish you love me there...

I wish it all happens there.

But even there, if it costs me what it costs me here,

I wish that universe ceases to exist...