The Price of Stupidity

There is thing a about humans.
We humans are all spendthrifts.

Wise are the misers!
For they justify saving... but there're only a few of them.

The rest of us,
we justify spending.

We convince ourselves losing is good.
That we lose a thing to earn a thing!

At least that is how we justify.
It is an evolutionary defect.

Often it seems like we regret spending after spending.
It only seems; it's not real, not mostly.

We take pride in spending; that is what we do.
We are too proud to not spend.

But in every human's life there comes the time more than once
when they pay for being too stupid!

It is when it occurs to them that
it is not worth it.

The shame, the guilt, remorse and loathing afterwards!
Plus the price...

It is evident that the price of stupidity is the most outrageous of all.
Yet, there is no man who hasn't paid it in his lifetime.

The Road to Realization

Inside the deep corners of your mind you know it's true. 
True, it takes time. 
True, you need the push. 
But reaching there isn't all about it... 
The road it matters. 
The road to realization matters. 
All the bumps you hit matter. 
The velocity and the impacts matter. 
Those moments when you break? Well they matter too. 
This road is the book, and you are written in it. 
Your destination? There is none. Every realization makes up a chapter. 
And every mile you cross makes you stronger. 
There are no mistakes. 
Things happen because they're meant to happen. 
You rise, you fall because you're meant to learn. 
And if you learn things the hard way - you will be better at them next time. 
Don't ever regret taking a road. 
You took it because you had to. 
The things you lost? They were never yours. 
The things that are yours 
will always be yours. 
And the road will only make the bond stronger. 
Realize something now? 
Thank the road - Another part of you is now complete.

That Fair Lady...

It's been five years now...
I remember it like yesterday.

3 in the morning, we were out, for a hunt, we named
It was a dingy alley where the cabby pulled over.
A semi-lit building with crooked men and beautiful women.
Sad but beautiful...

We were turning sober, and were not liking it.
We had our bargain, a good one that was.
five hundred apiece, an hour,
each a woman of our pick.

Reluctant as we were, we made our pick.
Each a different choice.
Choice! the lowest any man can stoop down to I thought...
I did not say it aloud, I acted excited. That day,
that day was our big adventure day!

Adventure I thought, I wanted to kill myself and all men there!
How low us men can stoop down to!
I picked a girl, the most somber one.
Didn't know why, I just liked her.

In, we went to an even dull-lit room.
Small, shabby and ever so disgusting now I recall.
She sat and stared.
I had a feeling she would cry.
Cry and kill at the same time.
Never once had I seen such emotions in any eye.
It was deep, dull, mellow and angry,
yet, there was a hint of a long gone light.

She took off her shirt.
How old are you I asked.
25, she lied and I smiled.
Put on your shirt I said.
I'm sorry, I lied, she said terrified.
I smiled again, she was true this time.

Five minutes gone already she said.
I lactate, so be gentle she said.
I just sat and stared.
I wanted to scream, to rip those souls outside apart.

Yet I sat and stared.
I'm 20 I said, and my name.. I started
Don't! she said. 15 minutes gone - she said.
What's your name I asked.
Lie, it's good I said.

She just sat and stared.
20 minutes gone I said.
She blinked twice and held back a smile.
She hastefully unbuttoned my shirt.
I made her lie down with all clothes on.
Sleep I said, I will wake you up in 30 minutes.

She stared even more.
She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.
I stared, stared for a long while.

What I saw tore my heart and I cried.
It tears me apart till this day.

I saw a beaten lady.
I saw a teenage girl with hopes and dreams.
A young girl, beautiful,innocent and mischievous.
An adorable little baby in her mother's arms.
I saw her and I cried.

I did not know if she was asleep.
She clutched her stomach as if in pain.
She was in pain.
My hand acted on its own.
It reached her forehead, and she opened her eyes.

I hated myself and the hopeless band called society that I lived in.
Only ten minutes to go then she said.
Only ten minutes to go I repeated.
She got up and ruffled my hair.

Thanks she said. Sorry I said.
You're a good man I think she said... I know I am not, I said.
Good man, and a fool too.
That, I am I said and she smiled again.

Out came a knock on the door.
Five minutes it cried.
I closed my eyes and leaned back...

I was fourteen she said.
It was 6 years ago.
He took me, took all of me.
And he gave me a child in exchange she said.
And with that he sold me she said.

I never saw the baby she said.
It was gone - they said.
I cried, and cried for a week,
and another week.
But then I was too weak to cry.
To cry and to have men twice my size and age on me she said.

I emptied my wallet and the only and last ring I had worn,
kept it all on the bed by her.
She said - too late for mercy to help don't you think?
It isn't mercy I said.

You could have lied.. - she said.
I should have lied... - I didn't...

With that she leaned and kissed me on my cheek,
It was gentle and painful, I felt it, she didn't wish to leave.
Neither did I. I kissed her on the forehead.
She told her name.
The name then nobody knew and noone ever will.

I never told any of them.
Never will I ever tell them any of it.
Out when I came, nothing happened, I told them.
And we believe you they said...

I was lying, they knew.
I was lying, it was true.
Of what - only I knew. I and her...

Often I pay those women on these dark alleys today for nothing.
I pay, and I walk away.
Maybe I am a fool, maybe I am not.

I'm Here and I Will Be There

Oh it took a while to come back.
To get to where it all started.
To look further like I used to.
It took more than a while, it did.

Hiding from myself,
and trying to ignore existence!
Trying hard not to notice that
I had been slipping away.

It took a little longer to realize these.
Anticipation, anxiety and choosing despair.
I should have seen myself doing it.
I reckon I had, and I know I pretended that I hadn't.

But I can't fool myself.
I'm way too smart for myself.
With myself, I have always been egoistic.
I am the only thing I fail to be in harmony with,

Now it is all done and gone.
It took longer than usual to realize that
what I have is what I chose.
And what I choose makes me who I am.

Maybe that is how God imagined it all.
Maybe that is why he doesn't let us imagine.
Maybe memories make our being.
Memories that run through veins.

Now I choose to make things happen,
like I usually do.
Now I choose to be there,
and see the end.

This, I know is not a late comeback.
I know there is an end to time.
An end to our lands.
And end to our existence.

But I choose to be there when it comes.
I choose to hear it when the whistle is blown.
I choose to listen when time says
you're time is up.

I believe death is definite.
But I choose to live all through time.
And see death coming, when I really want it to.
It could take a hundred years, or a thousand.

But I will be there.
One way or another,
God willing, I will be there.
I just chose to.

it is

What is it that I feel!
This ticklish pain on my chest
I'm at peace and I float
I'm calm and I feel it now
It is of a new kind of feeling
A sensation like never before
Is it love?
No, I've been in love before
this isn't love
Is it compassion?
no it can't be
I've felt that before too
Could it be a void of some kind?
that I mistakenly enjoy?
I don't reckon,
if it is a void afterall
I would have delved deeper.

It is the strangest of all
It is a new kind of joy
A joy with pain
The pain that soothes
It is but realization I dare say
It is belief I believe
It is submission, I conclude


This faith that knock time and again
keeps me running
it keeps reminding me
that there is light
there is light,
for darkness needs light for its very own existence 
there is light
because if all places are dark
then no place is dark


This light that I have inside
keeps me walking
The very light which makes me feel this
right here on the chest
it makes me write
it shows no borders
it shows no rules
it just sits there lighting itself, and me
listening to me
it listens and I know it understands
is it an angel?
well it could be
or it could just be another alter of me
but its there
it knows no grammar 
it knows no words
but it communicates
it talks with my mind
and I am but my mind
and I comprehend


It keeps me awake
blows air into me
and makes me believe in God.