Silence

Sometimes, at the end of a day, my ears physically hurt.
They hurt literally...
Those days all I try to do is sit quiet.
I sit quiet, try and turn off everything I can.

The whizz of the fan hurts, the sound of my breathing does too.
I sit down quite. I turn off everything.
Mostly, I'm at peace.
But sometimes, the silence hurts more.

Not philosophical, not emotional, and not spiritual - the last one to be the last thing to ever be!
The chaos that I go through...
The noises this world is so in love with,
everything hurts my ears.

It used to be the case that silence would hurt till it heals.
But these days, I come, I sit in silence.
It hurts that it is silent.
I should be over feeling things by now, I know.

Over feeling anything, especially pain!
Pain, just like other things, is just weakness.
But sometimes I still feel it.
Not just in my ears.

Coming home to an empty house,
how I used to love it!
The peace and quiet, the darkness and the smell of nothing!
A big part of me still does.

The big part doesn't seem to matter anymore!
The little chunk, the one that's clinging on...
That for some reason calls the shot.
For that and for that alone, I will end it.

The need for me to need someone's sound,
I should do better.
Love, my dear self, is just chemicals.
It's gratefulness that makes one sane.

Grateful, I am to her, will always be.
Shouldn't hurt the ears to not hear her words eating dinner, right?
It seems it will - always.
Good that the pain threshold is big.

Be big... just a few more years, or days, whichever's the case...
The grand silence will be upon me. I should and would hold on...