Blood Brothers...

You and I;

I don't know what's between us..

are we destined to be like this?

You're perhaps the only closest thing -

which doesn't make me all that senti!

Its like you sense me!

Everytime I'm down,

everytime I'm sad or elated,

or just blindly angry;

you come visit me.

Sometimes you drizzle, sometimes you pour down.

And it's usually is par for the course of my emotions!



Coincidence, correlation or whatever...

Name it,

With a thousand more words,

but I take it different.

It's like there's a bonding;

a special one. Between you and I.

You're  the friend in need.

A best one indeed. Yes you are.

You're so far away and yet

So close, watching me always.

Sensing what I myself am not sure about.



It's crazy to even think about.

It's like you do it all for me.

Smiling with showers when I smile.

Thundering down when I'm angry.

Moving with the wind when my heart isn't stable.

And best thing is,

I get my answers when you wash me with you.

I make my answers when you touch me.

You give me the kisses I've never gotten.

You remind me

Who I am.



Its seems sadistic;

not worrying about what the rest of the world goes through.

I mean, you're not always soft on them.

But for strange reasons,

I still want you more.

And you always rip my nice guy face away.

But the feeling is real when you're here.

And the feeling says,

you care about me the most...

What? sissy? I know... couldn't care less ;)



Rain, keep coming... partner..

You know when and you know why.

Keep coming.

I don't need a thing if you're here for me.

And I don't care a bit,

if you're the last thing I'd see.

I'd close my eyes enjoying the pain.

We're like blood brothers.

For you my sister... :)

It's not even a day!
Sis, I miss you already.
We weren't really sentimental,
And we never really talked much;
much about stuff that actually mattered.
I wasn't a good brother... not even close....
I was never there for you;
when you needed me the most.
But you never complained! You're the best.
Even to me; such a jerk I was.
Stupid, silly and inconsiderate.

You know I cared for you.
And you always tolerated me;
everytime I got overprotective.
Lame things those were...
I should've cared more...
more than I did for others.
But I didn't and now I'm sorry.

It's all so crazy you know;
My kid sister just got married!
I keep telling myself tat it's about time.
Yet, it still seems so fast.
Kids were were yesterday.
You were the most envied in the neighborhood!
Cute, smart, nice to others and what not!?
It's all so fast. Faster than I had imagined.

You were always there for me to listen.
Fighting your frustrations within.
I'm sorry I didn't see it all when I should have.
I'm sorry that I had let you down so many times...
I'm sorry I'm  not the brother you deserve.

I realized a lot of things today.
It's your wedding and it was Beautiful...
and so were you...
All of these came flooding when I saw you cry.
I had mixed feelings.
I was happy, for I know you're the best.
You'll live the happiest life ever.
He's lucky and so is his family.
I was sad.
Because lately we hadn't spent enough time together.
And I knew that I'll miss you.
I'll miss seeing you during the monthly visits.
When I think about texting you at weird times;
asking you to wake me up early.
You know I held my tears back.
To you I always am the stronger one.
I will be for you.
I feel like crying now; but you know I'll never admit it if you ask :)

You know me better, and you still care for me.
You're the best sister ever.
You know I always knew that.
I just never told you.
I regret a lot now.
I should have tried listening to you;
when I was busy trying to look after others.
I'm not sure if all of that's  worth even remembering now.

You know... you almost know everything I ever did! almost...
but you never hated me for the things that I had done.
Maybe you liked me for who I am.
I've never admitted this before sis;
I always liked you for who you are...

It's about time for you to step in,
take the giant leap.
Because I'm sure!
God willing you'll live the most happiest and beautiful life ever.
And I will always be there...
Secretly admiring the way you do things,
and the way you live life.
Go on sis, you'll have it all.
And someday when I'm really grown up, you'll hear me say;
How proud I am of you....

Things...

Clouds pass everyday.
But we notice not.
Some stay awhile and shower on us.
Some cover up the sun for us.
Some just drift away.
It happens around us,
and we never remember those clouds..

In my sky, there are no passing clouds.
They always stay. Always.
That's probably why I never see the sun.
Not that I'm complaining.
I cherish my clouds. Forever I will.
Only at times like this I realize
that it's good to see the sun once in a while.

I'm like one of them clouds in your sky.
Now I think I should have just drifted away
when I'd done with the showers.
But I like to stay, when I like the sky or what's underneath.
What I saw below; floating on your sky;
made me stop, and stay.
I saw the most beautiful rose I had ever showered on.

The rose most vulnerable in the sun.
Thorns all around the stem,
The cunning bees buzzing all over.
I thought perhaps I was sent to protect; mad thought.
After all I had seen and been through.
I still thought I should look after you.
From the sun, the thorns and the bees.

Had I realized that you needed the sun;
I wouldn't have stood there.
Taking those angry hot glares .
Had I realized that you grew the thorns to save yourself.
I wouldn't  have worried about it endlessly.
Had I realized that the bees cannot harm but steal the honey.
I wouldn't have dropped those spells to chase them away.

There was no intention. First time it was.
I failed to think; with my senses and not the heart.
Insanity at the worse:  trying to block the sun from getting at you?
Closing in on you:  to remove the thorns?
Thundering and pouring down:  to annihilate the bees?
Yes it is true; I failed to think.
About anything else.

Failed, to see that you had the strength.
Forgot to remember that,
You were fine on your own before I entered your sky.
To understand that, you knew
not just to survive, but to have a life as well.
Blind I was, and a failure,
failure as a friend.

Enough said and none done, yet.
I apologize one last time.
For all that's happened.
If and when, you ever decipher this.
I would be long gone.
Trust me one last time.
I've already started drifting away - from your sky.

The search...

Where is life...

Soulless is when one's dead;
No breathing in, No breathing out.
No regrets is of use then.
Being soulless cause no pain.

Mind, it just goes away.
Soulless body has no mind.
It might feel pain;
It cannot be hurt.

Lifeless; a never thought truth.
Breathing in and breathing out,
Its all so hurt,
With regrets all left with it.

Where would it go?,
With no life but a mind to look after.
It might feel no pain,
But it does get hurt.

Poor mortal body,
With life lost and mind heavy.
Drifts with the thoughts,
Towards a destination unknown.

Heavy mind's love to live
Adds flame to the fire.
Numb and weak are the thoughts
As it continues to search life.

Search for life,
Is what I do with time.
I don't live with this body
I exist; I search life.

Expectations; can't recall the meaning.
Have not expected in a while..
I just move, I don't wish to hope,
But I search life. Can't stop it, I just do it.

Where is my life....

is there another hell?

This is not to win you back,

Or to ask for a second chance.

I know I was wrong,

I know that I broke the trust.

But this is certainly not an apology.

This is just me, talking,

like every other time; just talking.

This no plea for forgiveness

I know I don't deserve one.

and I hate myself for letting you down anyway.

I say that I'm strong,

but everytime I see you;

it kills me.

is it guilt or is it shame?

Or is it just love and respect confronting ?

it's not just hard; it's painful.

way too painful than I had imagined.

I thought I'd never understand hell.

I guess I do now.

Everytime you pass me on trying to avoid my eyes;

it crushes the heart out of my chest.

This is got to be hell.

The silence, the unspoken anger,

and the way you try to ignore me...

Makes me feel like disappearing.

The only light is that it can't go any worse.

or could it?

could there be another hell worse than this?

is there really another hell??